Fingertips

When I look back, tracing fingertips over plastic bags Thinking, "I wish I could extrapolate some small intention Or maybe get your attention for a minute or two" Will I die? Or will I get to that ten-year mark? Where I beat the extinction of telomeres? And if I do, will you be there with me, Father, Sister, Brother? Charlie, stop smoking, Caroline, will you be with me? Will the baby be alright? Will I have one of mine? Can I handle it even if I do? You said that my mind It's not fit, or so they said, to carry a child, I guess I'll be fine It wasn't my idea, the cocktail of things that twist neurons inside But without them, I'd die They say there's irony in the music, it's a tragedy, I See nothing Greek in it Give me a mausoleum in Rhode Island with Dad, Grandma, Grandpa And Dave, who hung himself real high In the National Park sky, it's a shame, and I'm crying right now To get to you, save you, if I take my life Find your astral body, put it into my eyes Give you two seconds to cry Take you home, I, I'll give you a blanket Your spirit can sit and watch TV by my side 'Cause, baby, I ran through a time when I felt you were doing it I couldn't handle it, I was in Monaco I couldn't hear what they said on the telephone I had to sing for the prince in two hours Sat in the shower Gave myself two seconds to cry It's a shame that we die When I was 15, naked, next-door neighbors did a drive-by Pulled me up by my waist, long hair to the beach side I wanted to go out like you, swim with the fishes That he caught on Rhode Island beaches But, sometimes, it's just not your time Caroline, what kind of mother was she to say I'd end up in institutions? All I wanted to do was kiss Aaron Greene and sit by the lake Twisting lime into the drinks that they made Have a babe at 16, the town I was born in, and die Aaron ended up dead and not me What the fuck's wrong in your head to send me away never to come back? Exotic places and people don't take the place of being your child I give myself two seconds to cry Let it crash over me like the waves in the sea Call me "Aphrodite" as they bow down to me Sunbather, moon chaser, queen of empathy I give myself two seconds to breathe And go back to being a serene queen I just needed two seconds to be me